


Worth it

by peakyblinders1919



Category: Peaky Blinders (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2020-01-05 10:48:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18364475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peakyblinders1919/pseuds/peakyblinders1919
Summary: When you find some unsettling news about your long-time boyfriend, you really want to know if everything was worth it? The years you'd spent with him, the heartbreak you'd been through, was it all for nothing? As you go on a journey of self-discovery, unlikely circumstances arise that bring you and Tommy back together. And you have to wonder again, was it all worth it?





	Worth it

**Author's Note:**

  * For [x_avantgarde_x](https://archiveofourown.org/users/x_avantgarde_x/gifts).



> Hey! I'm so glad I was able to write this for you! I haven't written Tommy in a long time so I hope I've captured him well. I tried to give you mostly everything you asked for, so sorry in advance if it's a little long. Also, I don't normally write smut but I wanted to give it another go, so again, sorry if it's not perfect or what you were looking for. But I did my best and had a great time writing it so I hope you enjoy!

Things weren’t the same. Your boyfriend of almost three years, the infamous Thomas Shelby, rumored leader of the notorious Peaky Blinders gang, was being distant. Well, more distant than normal. You knew what a relationship with a man who had just returned from the war had entailed, but combine that with the brooding, emotionless and stone cold leader that was Tommy, you had grown to deal with his standoffish personality.  
But lately, that was multiplied by ten. He wasn’t around as often, only coming home late in the night, too tired to talk about any of the day's events. You missed the nights you curled up together in each other’s arms and shared funny, unrealistic stories of your days. Sometimes your stories even made him crack a smile or whisper a laugh, and you never felt more in love with a sound or a person in your life.  
Now, you couldn’t remember the last time you’d seen him smile like that. Something was going on and you wanted to get to the bottom of it. Not only did you owe it to yourself since you’d dedicated so many years to this man you ultimately thought was the one and you’d do anything to keep this relationship from crumbling, you still loved Tommy with all your heart and you genuinely wanted to help him.  
After calling around the shop and his brothers, there was only one other place he might be. You threw on your coat, grabbed your purse, and hurried down to the Garrison. You tried to keep your head held high as you walked down the street where men covered in dirt and ash would check you out, even catcall you or harass you for a moment of their time. It made you uncomfortable, but it was something you were growing used to out of necessity since you were dating Tommy.  
You never imagined you’d find yourself in a city like this, or with a man like Tommy. You were a little country girl, but when the war broke and your father and brothers were drafted to France, you had to find a way to support your ill mother and younger sisters. The best place for job opportunities was in the city. You never adjusted well to the city life, and you were still reserved and shy, but slowing growing in confidence, all thanks to Tommy.  
Ignoring the men, you pushed open the door of the Garrison.  
“Sorry, we’re closed.” A sweet, feminine voice called. That wasn’t Harry. You hadn’t been ‘round the Garrison lately, but you weren’t aware that there was a new barmaid. Your blood immediately began to boil.  
“Oh, sorry. I was actually looking for Harry.” You said as you rounded the corner, when you saw the beautiful blonde girl wiping off the counters.  
“Harry won’t be in until 5. Is there something I can help you with?” Her smile was genuine, but you knew right away that she wasn’t to be trusted. You continued to tread lightly.  
“No, it’s alright I’ll just come back.” You said, turning on your heel as she wished you a nice day. But you couldn’t just leave. “I’m sorry, maybe there is something you can help me with. Has Thomas Shelby been around today?” You watched carefully as you said his name, she didn’t outwardly smile but her eyes crinkled up and her features softened, and she tried everything she could to hide it.  
“I haven’t seen him today.” You lingered for a second, watching her, examining her features, trying hard not to focus on the rapid beating of your heart. Clearing your throat, you thanked her again and hurried out. Tears stung your eyes on the entire way back home, unable to process everything. That this may be the beginning of the end.  
\---  
“Y/N?” Tommy called as he came home close to midnight. You had done everything you could to stay up until he came home to approach him. You didn’t want to waste another minute with the wrong man. After a few glasses of wine, you were ready to confront him.  
“In here,” you hiccuped.  
“Are you alright?” He said in his low, monotonous voice. He knew the answer based on your slumped postured, and yet he still didn’t sound as concerned as he should have if he was still in love with you.  
“No.” You said bluntly, managing to read his body languge through your drunken haze. You watched his icy eyes, his hands deep in his pockets. “How long?”  
“How long what?”  
“Don’t act like you don’t know. You know. How long? How long have you and that new barmaid been having an affair?”  
He sighed, taking his hands out of his pockets and running them through his short, dark hair. “Y/N, you’ve had too much to drink tonight, let’s get you-”  
“No!” you shouted angrily, ripping your arm from his grip as he attempted to help you up. “Don’t do this to me Tommy. Don’t lie.” You said, looking him right in the eye. “I can handle the truth. I saw it on that woman’s face. The second I said your name she was blushing like a tomato. So...how long? How long have you been fucking her? How long have you been cheating on me?” Your voice was strained, you barely noticed the stream of tears running down your cheeks.  
He hung his head, silence looming around you guys for what seemed like forever. “I’ve only kissed her.”  
“That’s worse Tommy.”  
“Y/N, I’m sorry.”  
You scoffed. “You’re not sorry. Your...your a coward.” No one would dare talk to Thomas Shelby that way, and you were only able to with the alcohol buzzing through your veins. “You should have just broken up with me Tommy. Not string me along and cheat on me behind my back. How can I ever trust you again?”  
It seemed that you had struck a chord in him. He had nothing else to say, the man who talked and persuaded people for a living, was speechless. He knew nothing he could say would win you back. The silence was your breaking point.  
Standing up, chest to chest, eye to eye, you asked him one more thing. “Is she the one?” He hung his head, looking at his scuffed shoes. “Look at me.” you hissed, hitting his chest and making him do as you asked. “Is she the one?”  
“I don’t know. Maybe.”  
Hearing the words fall from his lips like poison, you turned on your heel and headed to the bedroom.  
Crushed. Heartbroken. There was no other way to describe how you felt while you feverishly packed a bag. It took Tommy a few minutes to follow you, lingering in the doorway and watching you quietly. It was as if he wanted to object, to keep you, yet he didn’t say anything. Only watched your movements.  
“If you thought I would stay, your wrong.” You said just to fill the void because the silence was the worst of all, though you slammed drawers shut in the process. “Maybe a year ago I would have done anything, I would have waited, but this is too much.”  
“I wouldn’t want you to wait for me.” He finally confessed, you turning quickly to look at him. Was that it, then? Had he given up entirely on you? “I still love you Y/N. I want the best for you. That’s not me.”  
You sniffled, dragging your hand across your nose and face to dry it. You were upset, sad, mad even, but his words softened you like they usually did. “I want the best for you too. And I won’t get in the way of it. And I want the best for me. And your right, it’s not you. It’s not someone who would cheat on me.” You rambled as you finally closed your case and locked the sides.  
“This is it Tommy.” You said, struggling to get the case off the bed. He offered to help but you pulled away. Never once had you seen this man so small, back hunched, shoulders slumped as if folding into himself to take up less space. “Three years and this is it. It ends just like that. Like a whisper in the breeze. Poof. Over. Done.” You looked him dead in the eyes as you said it, trying your best to keep your emotions at bay. He continued to hang his head in- was it shame?- and only looked up at you periodically. You pushed past him, wanting to get out when you still could.  
“Tommy, I hope she’s worth it.” These were your last parting words. There was nothing malicious in them, though you had every right to make them so. That wasn’t you, wasn’t how your mother raised you. She had raised you to love and see the good in people. It’s how you were able to find the good in someone who was shrouded in darkness, bad luck, and violence. Your words were genuine. For yourself, for him, you hoped she, the blonde barmaid that would haunt your dreams for days to come, was worth it.  
Leaving your shared house, leaving Birmingham with a one-way ticket out, you hoped it was all fucking worth it. The three years you’d given to this man and the way it ended. 

\--

“Did you hear about the factory strikes?”  
“Yeah, and did you hear about that women’s strike hosted by that lady Jessie Eden?”  
You scoffed to yourself as you walked down the familiar streets of Birmingham. There were a lot of things you didn’t miss about this place, more than you could count, but the ones that stood out were the gossip on the streets. And the catcalling by those dirty, greasy factory workers who were known for other things.  
You still hated it of course, but it didn’t bother you as much as it did four years ago. Once Tommy had broken your heart by cheating, your one-way ticket landed you in Oxford where you went to University, even married a young scholar, and realized that in the end, it was worth it.  
Yet, you found yourself back in familiar territory when your sisters called you telling you your father was ill. You’d been with him during the days leading up to his unfortunate passing. And all those days you’d gotten through without thinking about Tommy until he was unavoidable.  
“Did you hear he didn’t even have a funeral? For his own wife.”  
“And now he’s an only father, poor Tommy.”  
Wait? Thomas Shelby? You stopped dead in your tracks, looking at the gossiping flappers walking down the street. You remembered when you were once like them, young and naive and intrigued by the famous Shelby’s of Birmingham. But then you experienced real culture, what life was like outside this grimy little city. Things weren’t the same, to say the least.  
“Excuse me.” You asked, sauntering up to the girls confidently. “Are you talking about Thomas Shelby?” Though they were reluctant to answer at first, then nodded.  
“Yeah, horrible about the news, really, isn’t it? His wife was shot, ambushed at a charity auction.”  
“Yeah, horrible.” You said sympathetically, though the weight of it wasn’t really setting in. “Do you know where he lives?”  
“Arrow House, on the outskirts of town.” You thanked them for all their help and found the first taxi that agreed to drive you all that way. You paid graciously and found yourselves at the end of a very long, intimidating driveway that led to an even more intimidating house. If you could even call it a house, the thing looked like one of the school rooms at University.  
“What am I even doing here?” You muttered to yourself as you looked at the opulent abode in front of you. Never would you have imagined Tommy Shelby would amount to that. What would he think if he found you here, showing up unannounced on his doorstep? You turned around quickly, telling yourself you’d walk miles back to the city if that’s what’d it take when you heard someone calling out.  
“Excuse me, can I help you?” You turned around, your hair getting tossed in the wind. Your heartbeat slowed back to normal when you realized it wasn’t Tommy, but a groundskeeper. You could just tell him you were lost right? Well, that’s what the old you would have said.  
“Uh, yes, actually, I think you can. Does Thomas Shelby live here?” The groundsman furrowed his brows, it was probably under Tommy’s orders that they didn’t respond. “I’m an old friend, someone told me he lived here and I was just hoping they’d be right.” He was still hesitant, putting the trimmers down and scanning you up and down.  
“Come with me.” He said, and you found yourself smirking as you followed him down the drive and into the house. He told you to wait in the foyer, walking around the space aimlessly, looking at all the life-size oil paintings hanging on his wall. You stood in front of one for a particularly long time, looking at the way the painter had captured his features. Nothing could capture the mesmerizing gaze of those grey eyes of his. Standing next to him in the picture was a beautiful blonde lady, the blonde barmaid he had cheated on you with. You thought you’d feel an overwhelming twinge of jealousy when you saw her, but you really only felt happy for him. She was beautiful. As was the little boy next to them.  
“Whatever you're here to ask for your news story, I’m not answering so you can get out, the groundskeeper’s already been fired for going against my orders-” His sudden booming voice made you jump back from the picture, watching him hurriedly enter from a hallway.  
“Fired him? That’s a little harsh, even for you Tommy.”  
He emerged in the foyer fully, standing a few centimeters from you. “Y/N?”  
“It’s me.”  
“What’re you doing here?” He asked gruffly, putting his hands in his pockets. He looked just like you remembered.  
“I was in town, thought I’d stop by, if that’s alright.” He furrowed his eyebrows knowing something was off.  
“Why are you really here Y/N?”  
“That’s her, right? The barmaid?”  
“Grace,” Tommy said as he cleared his throat. “Her name was Grace.”  
“Grace, yeah. She is beautiful. Really beautiful. So, you married her?”  
“This is what you came here for? To torture me?”  
“No.” You said flatly, turning to look at him straight on again. “I just wanted to see you. I...I overheard some things.”  
“Don’t listen to gossip Y/N.” He said, hearing how tired he was in his voice.  
“Is it gossip? Did she- Grace- did she…”  
“Yes.” He said, closing his eyes to keep from tears prickling over, balling his hands into fists. “She died. Took a bullet meant for me. So you heard that and thought now was your chance to come back?”  
“What? No!” You said, appalled he would even think such a thing about you. “I wanted to see how you were doing. I know how much you loved her. And I heard you were left alone with a child, and I know how you react to things and you’ve probably shut everyone out and I wanted to make sure you were ok.”  
He looked at you babbling on and on, before he sighed and walked further into the house, motioning for you to follow. He offered you wine and though you were hesitant accepted nonetheless because it’d probably make it easier to talk to him, in the long run.  
You looked around the house, awed by the sheer size of it. He sipped on some whiskey as he sat on the opposite couch as you.  
“Why’re you back in Birmingham?”  
“My father passed a few days ago.”  
“Oh, I’m sorry.”  
“Thank you, but it’s alright, really. I was with him his last few days, we knew it was coming. But I’m no stranger to those sorts of things.” He looked at you as if to press on but you didn’t want to.  
“So tell me,” you said, finishing off your first glass already, “tell me all about her.”  
“No. I don’t want to.”  
“Oh, I won’t be jealous, I promise. I want to know.”  
Tommy was never one to talk about his feelings, as you already knew, but he opened up rather quickly, telling you how she was the one and he let her get away. He didn’t leave out any details either, telling you how she left her husband for him, how they had Charlie and married. Everything.  
“Sounds like she was the one.”  
“She was,” he said, but changing the subject quickly as he got up to refill his glass and offer to do the same for you. “And what about you? I’m sure you found yourself someone and had kids. You always wanted a lot of kids.” He said, taking a sip as he handed you another glass of wine, fingers grazing each other’s. Your heart skipped a beat as he remembered that little detail about you after all these years.  
“Yes to the first part, no to the second.” He finally pressed on, wanting to hear more. You told him all about your adventure to Oxford, how you went to school and got married. “His name was Roy. He was a scholar, a writer actually. He wrote these amazing pieces about moral obligations and he really could make the mundane interesting.”  
“Well, that’s good since you never really liked reading.”  
“I suppose.” You hiccuped, now having had a tad too much wine. “Anyway, of course I wanted kids, I thought it was time, but he didn’t want them. He was more worried about academics than starting a family. I was annoyed, really. I might even have left him but… but he passed as well. He got into a car accident.”  
For a moment something flashed in Tommy’s eyes, almost like he felt sorry for you, and cleared his throat. “Y/N, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know-”  
You waved it off, taking another sip. “Of course you didn’t know Tommy, it’s fine.”  
He didn’t know what to say then, silence filling the void between you as you continued drinking. For some reason, you found yourself stealing glances of Tommy as he began smoking casually, the light hitting his features perfectly. He looked like you remembered, though just a bit older. And whether it was from the alcohol, or seeing him again, you found yourself smiling and wanting to be close.  
“Is that the time already?” You asked, looking at the clock behind Tommy, the hands striking midnight.  
“I can’t believe we’ve been talking that long.”  
You smiled. “We’ve had a lot of catching up to do.” You hiccuped, and for a split second you saw him smile. “I guess I better get going,” you said, getting up and stumbling forward a bit. Tommy reacted quickly, jumping up from his comfortable spot on the couch and steadying you. Your faces were inches away then, so close you could smell the whiskey on his breathe.  
“You ok?”  
“Yeah, yeah,” you said, wanting to get out of his grip before you feel under his spell again.  
“Well you can’t go home now, your drunk Y/N.”  
“I...I can make it,” you mumbled as you steadied yourself against the arm of a chair as you watched Tommy looking at you curiously.  
“I don’t think so. I have plenty of rooms here, come on.” He said, his hand extended for you to take his help. Reluctantly you accepted, and you were thankful you did because you didn’t know how you’d be able to make it up all those stairs on your own, much less find a room. Tommy offered you a pair of pajamas and helped you into bed.  
“Thanks,” you muttered.  
“Of course. Your always welcome.” He said, sitting on the edge of the bed, watching your eyelids grow heavy.  
“Tommy,” you whispered after a long yawn. “I-” Just as you were about to tell him what was on your mind, that you still had feelings for him, there came the faint sound from down the hall. You couldn’t help but sit up quickly and ask if everything was ok.  
“It’s Charlie, just get some rest.”  
“Can I see him?” You asked bluntly.  
Not sure what to say, Tommy allowed you to follow him down the hall and into Charlie’s room. Little Charlie was standing in his crib, crying and reaching for Tommy when he entered. You lingered in the doorway, watching the interaction between father and son, and before you knew it you were wishing you had the chance to experience the same thing with Roy. You watched silently as Tommy rocked Charlie and he quieted down until he was put to sleep. Tommy finally turned to you, and he was so tired he willingly smiled at the sight of you leaning against the doorframe in a pink robe.  
“Sorry.”  
“Don’t be sorry. He’s adorable. I...I forgot how much I wanted kids until I saw you with him.”  
Tommy couldn’t help but smile again as you two started walking back down the hallway lined with classical paintings.  
“Goodnight Y/N.” Tommy said as he stopped outside the room you’d be staying in.  
“Tommy, wait,” you said, leaning forward, dangerously close to his face, looking at his pink plump lips. “I…” There was no way to say what you were thinking so you threw all judgement out the window and kissed him. He was reluctant at first, and every bone in your body begged you to pull away and retreat to hiding under the covers, but your heart wouldn’t let you. Seeing Tommy again had made you remember just how much you loved him, and maybe that love for him at never gone away. It was merely replaced, replaced with a love that wasn’t meant to be. And though you didn’t believe in God or fate, maybe all of this was worth it.  
Finally you felt Tommy recipriating, kissing you back as his strong hand snaked around your waist. His lips were soft and burned against yours, and before you knew it Tommy was opening the door to your bedroom and pushing you inside. You hungrily kissed each other, hands roaming previously explored territory as if you’d never explored it before. You felt every curves of his body as he did the same to you. He guided you over to the bed and onto your back before you placed a hand on his chest.  
“No.”  
“What?” He asked, looking down at you confused.  
“I’m in charge Tommy.” You commanded, a glint of dominance in your eye as you bit your lip. He tried to protest but you silenced him quickly by kissing him again, and slipping your tongue in like you remembered he liked. “You’re going to do what I say, and your not going to argue.”  
Your hands started working at untying his tie, and once you had slipped the black silk from his neck you managed to slip out from under him.  
“What’re you doing?”  
“I told you, I’m in control. Sit back.” You commanded, and he couldn’t but oblige as he saw the robe start to slide off your shoulder, revealing kissable skin. You made Tommy sit against the headboard as you slipped the robe of completely. Tommy licked his lips as he watched you stand in front of him naked, he’d argue you were even prettier than before.  
“You excited to see me?” You smirked as you saw the outline of his dick clearly against his tight trousers.  
“Come on Y/N.”  
You shushed him. “Get a good look while you can.”  
“What does that mean?”  
Without saying another word you crawled up the bed, watching as his eyes were glued to your breasts, and you gave him a little satisfaction by kissing him again, guiding his hands to your body before you brought the tie to his eyes.  
“What’re you doing?” He asked, jerking away from you.  
“Blindfolding you.” You said, pulling almost a little too hard as you tied it in a knot around his eyes. “I’ve learned a few things. You just sit back and enjoy.”  
His mouth hung open about to protest, but the second he felt your hand undo his button, he closed it, helping you anyway he could until he was exposed in front of you. You’d forgotten exactly what Tommy had to offer, and in that moment you wanted nothing more than to finally fulfill a dream of yours; having a baby with him.  
Your hands roamed his body, even giving his hard length a few pumps before you couldn’t resist any longer. You began sucking, taking just the tip in your mouth at first, savoring the way he tasted. You picked up your pace, hollowing out your cheeks and taking him as deep as you could. He began to moan lightly, and you knew all that you had experienced at Oxford had paid off. You continued sucking until you felt his dick grow hot against the inside of your cheeks. You knew he was already close to coming. And just as quickly you took him out of your mouth, only for him to protest.  
“What’re you doing now?”  
You shushed him, giving him a kiss as you straddled him. You positioned yourself slightly above his hips before pushing yourself down slowly, allowing yourself to stretch to his size. Before taking him all the way, you brought your hips up again before you quickly pushed yourself down. You started sliding your hips back and forth, hards caressing his abdomens as you rode him. Your pace was slow at first, savoring the way he felt. You were talking in moans of pleasure and ecstasy and continued rocking and grinding against his cock. You guided his hands onto your breasts, and he knew exactly what to do.  
It wasn’t long before you both needed more, and you began quickening your pace, beginning to bounce up and down. You remembered everything about Tommy, the way his grunts would become guttural when he was getting close to his high. Your moans were becoming more frequent as well as he was pleasuring you in ways you had forgotten were possible.  
“Ah, fuck Tommy. Come. I want you to come in me. Impregnate me Tommy.”  
You were surprised that Tommy actually headed your commands, succumbing to all your demands. You were in charge, and rightfully so, as you now knew exactly what you wanted and deserved. In an instant you felt yourself tightening around him as he reached his climax, feeling him release himself fully into you. You cling to his sweaty body desperately before you reached your high as well, quickly falling from his lap onto the bed next to him.  
Tommy smirked as he lifted the black tie from his eyes and looked at your beautiful figure; your hair sticking to sweaty forehead, your skin glowing, your chest rising and falling rhythmically as you tried to regain your breathe.  
“Was it worth it?” You asked in the silence, finally looking over at him.  
He smiled and leaned over to give you a kiss, which you took as a yes.  
1 year later as you looked down at your daughter, watching Tommy tie Charlie’s little tie as he was getting ready to walk down the aisle with his dad, you knew everything you had ever been through had all been worth it.


End file.
